Jen & Craig’s Story of Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Our first daughter was very welcomed and planned
and we really had no issues having her. And Iike to say that I was blissfully unaware
about all the things that you know, could happen. We then moved to Germany and decided it was
time for us to have another child. And we were very lucky to get pregnant right
away. We went to the doctor and she did the ultrasound
and said I’m sorry there’s no baby. There the startings of a baby but the baby
didn’t come. It was tough because we didn’t have any support
there. So I had to go to the hospital and have what
they call a D and C and it was isolating and I felt pretty alone. Following that we came home back to Calgary
about 4 months later we got pregnant again. We went for our 18 week ultrasound which is
the big one where they check all of the anatomy. We just kind of were excited to find out the
gender but actually what happened was they told us we’re really sorry but we feel very
strongly that your daughter has Trisomy 18. And this is a fatal condition, it’s incompatible
with life. So you know we went home and really just kind
of came to terms with it and I thought I just really want it to be on her terms. And I then carried her for another 13 weeks
before I had to deliver. And she was born still and she was 2.2 pounds
and perfect. The support was overwhelming. I think there’s strength and honesty and also
just sort of laying it out there. You don’t know how tender hearted people are
until you really tell them this is what’s happening and we just, I mean, people made
meals for us they prayed for us, they just sent us encouragement and love and however
they knew how. And we felt that. Definitely our families our parents our siblings
and just our close friends we’re really lucky to have we’re so thankful for all the love
and support that they gave us so we really did have a great group of people and friends
and we’re really blessed and like Jen said we could definitely feel the comfort and strength
from that and it helped us to move on and to mourn and to have hope going forward. You know when you lose something dear to you
the pain never goes away it’s a weight that you carry around your shoulders forever it’s
just you get stronger and so you can carry it a little easier. But its there. The pregnancy and infant loss programs are
so amazing for that you know just to know that you have that service available that
you can speak to a counsellor and they’ll help you navigate that grief and that loss. And also I found out in Calgary there’s also
an early loss clinic for women who’ve lost their child before 12 weeks. They can go there instead of going to emergency
and this is a place where they focus on that and they help you. Just to know those programs are out there
is so important. I think as dads we don’t have that physical
connection we only have looking forward to that chance when we can finally hold them
and start to meet them more intimately and play with them and so it definitely is a different
process for the dads you know. As you’re going thru it hard to relate, you
do your best but you’re not always perfect. I mean I guess guys generally try and you
know be more matcho and hold things a little closer to their chest you don’t always like
to share your feelings and to look for help. Definitely I had some good friends I could
just talk to, get support from your family too. It was so amazing
to find out on the day that Brynley was born passed away the year before that we found
out that we were gonna have another baby. And that was Briar so. And I think until she was born and was in
my arms I still was, I was still scared. Yeah. She was 9 pounds 9 ounces of healthy. So we feel like Brinley, she was there. And that was her gift to us that was really
special. Blakely our oldest daughter always found little
feathers around our house. Little white feathers and they would just
sort of appear in the most random places. We have her things that we kept, her memory
box that they hospital gave us, we keep them up in our closet and I pulled it down and
on top there was a little feather. And so to us we really believe that’s Brynley
sending us messages like showing herself to us and letting us know she’s near and all
is well.

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